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Since my overlords here at AnimeTV demand that I talk more about the show instead of my random (amazing) stories, I’ll start off this blog with a snippet about the show. As you begin to watch our new season dear viewer, you may or may not (dependingonhowmuchpornyou’redownloadingatthegivenmoment) notice that the language filter has been lifted from the show. That’s right. We’re finally allowed to say what we really want on ATV. Don’t worry, I asked many a time. “Are you sure…?” I asked, barely believing the amount of adequacy that this show was lending itself all of a sudden (ThisbythewaywasquicklyreplacedbyhilariousandcheeseballskitideasthatourcoproducerorwhateverhedoesCorysuggested). That was by the way the longest aside comment you’ll likely see on any blog ever. Anyway. Long story short, you’ll be hearing many a colorful four letter word at least coming from my head. This is mostly because I’ve devolved through the years into some kind of gurgling, cursing beast monster who can’t accurately describe a situation without at least saying “Ass Bitch.” This is why I don’t go to Church anymore. This is also why I never whisper sweet nothings into the ears of my significant others. Only in very rare cases is the term “Ass Bitch” romantic in any way. I will personally email you an E-Handshake if you can post a way for that phrase to be romantic, by the way.

Let me give you an inside look on how our show is shot. Johnny and Cristina are shot on a separate day than us. Whenever you see either them or one of us pass off the show to the other, we have no idea what the other just said. Seriously. When you hear me or Johnathan or Miley or whomever say, “Thanks Johnny!”, we have no idea what their last segment was about. Johnny could have been eating babies and Cristina lighting small orphans on fire and we wouldn’t have any idea (notsayingtheydothatbutIheardrumors). You’ll hear more from me on how the actual show is done if I find parts of it hilarious enough to mention. I figure we owe you the audience enough for sticking it out with us this long to get the inside scoop on how we operate here on AnimeTV and get a better insight on the professional (drunk) and hard working (thecameramanisasleep) cast and crew of our little show.

But I know why you’re really here. You want to hear my story about Harrison Ford and Eli Roth (humormeevenifyoudon’t). I have a very good friend in a lady named Marianne Miller. Fellow voice actor(actress), part time roommate and general partner in crime. Depending on who you talk to, we may or may not have dated. We’ll let you guess. She recently decided to get me my Christmas presents early this year, thus making me feel completely inadequate as a friend and human being. So she shows up at my door and drags me out of my World of Warcraft stupor and hauled my discombobulated ass into her car. First she drops in my lap a book I’ve been looking for since I heard the movie was coming out: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. My all time favorite children’s book. The only thing I really remember from those weird kindergarden days. Now I was done and happy right there. She could have dropped me back off at my apartment and I could have spent the rest of the night reading that thing over and over again. But no. We drive half an hour out to a place called “Ford’s Filling Station.” It is called thus because it is owned and run by Harrison Ford’s son. We’ve talked about going for awhile, but never did because of the price. Well here she is, big spender and giant friend thing paying for dinner. Headcheese, Kobe cheek and our choice of cured meats. Awesome.

But oh no! The story does not end there! Marianne at some point after dessert stands up and goes to the restroom. As I look to my left after watching her go, who do I see sitting not two tables away from us but Eli Roth. You might know him as the Bear Jew from Inglorious Bastards. Before I could process that it was really him, he had paid his check and walked out the door. Not ten seconds later, Marianne comes back. I told her this story and how if either of our celebrity senses were working that night, either of us could have at any point in the evening turned our feed-bag faces slightly to the left or in her case the right and seen Eli Roth for more than like a minute. So we now have this story where we technically had dinner with the Bear Jew. Only two tables away. But we usually leave that part out. Also in our story he signs my copy of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and proceeds to beat me over the head with it (fondlyofcourse).

That about does it. I’ll be a guest at AnimeLA in January. Come hang out with me so I’m not drinking bourbon in a coffee cup by myself.

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3 Responses to “Harrison Ford. Eli Roth. Potty Mouth.”

  1. Bailey

    08. Dec, 2009

    Probably a sound decision that I’m not there to contribute my own use of 4 letter words.

  2. Snorlax

    09. Dec, 2009

    i dare say kaiji… after the last shoot we did together the pulley system on your “hand basket” lowering you to the fiery flames of Mount Doom simply broke. The perfect union of a truck driver mother and truck driver father indeed…you are the JusticeTang (fighting crime with four letter words and im not talking about “POWW!”

  3. Juan

    14. Dec, 2009

    That was Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, as for the four letter words, that should be something to see…. Kaiji is my new Super Hero…

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